What's A Rose?

It is a difficult task to talk about the band “The Who” to anyone born after 1970. If I mention the band in passing, or reference a song from the band, I am often prompted with the question: who? Ironically, that response was the purpose for the band’s confusing name. It seems The Who, though not alone, may have opened a black hole that many current bands are sucked into. Contemporary artists seem to linger in the abyss of “What the H do we call ourselves?” Dashboard Confessionals fit nicely under this category. It makes sense that one would be confessing to their dashboard while singing; but, this is the name of the band, not the name of their album. People can not be confessionals or dashboards. The slightly cerebral contrast of the two words sounds rather fascinating on paper, but really ends up reminding male listeners that this is the type of music you don't want to get caught listening to with your car window down. I thought for a while that Walking on Sunday would be a great name for a band. Luckily, I never got around to forming and naming an actual band.

These confusing band names can offer plenty of entertainment opportunities if used correctly. Exercise your right to confuse others as you have been confused. Next time you are in a music store ask the clerk for some of your favorite bands without leading the question with “do you have an album by…”

Try this: Cake? Spoon? Bread? Ok Go? James? Rush? Say Anything? Bad English? America? Helmet?..Tool.

You can increase the fun with your own creativity.

Update Your I-POD!

Almost everyone has the one go-to play list. I have 23. I can never just get rid of a play list because I have so much history with it. Think of your play list.

What was there when you turned 16 and got your first car?
What was there when you took that road trip to New Hampshire?
What was there when your heart was broken for the first time?

Your play list was there. However, you can make new memories with each play list you make. It's not like your dumping your old play list for a younger, hotter, play list. You are just adding play lists to your life. Here are five 2008 album releases you might consider adding to your new play list:

1. Kate Nash , Made of Bricks



The album is full of thought provoking, upbeat lyrics. Any of her songs fit nicely on a "Getting Ready For A Date" play list. Come on, we all have one.





2. Josh Groban ,Awake

Awake is the third album released by Josh. He has added a bit of pop sound but retains the hard core christian lyrics. Might I suggest adding these songs to a "Sunday Morning Pre-Game" play list.




4. The Counting Crows, Saturday Nights and Sunday Mornings

This album is a bit more heavy than the band's past albums. The riffs are stronger and the lyrics are tighter. This album isn't the old crows of Mr. Jones, these crows are B.A! Songs from this album should probably not be on a play list that you listen to while driving, but on some sort of raging play list. Maybe they will find a home on a "I'm so Excited" play list.


3. Mike Doughty, Golden Delicious


Albums with this much poetic beauty are rare. Find it. Buy it. And put it on a "Walking in Nature" play list.






5. Beach House, Devotion

Devotion is a perfect example of an album you play when it rains, when you hope it will rain, or if you step in a puddle and it reminds you of rain.
Songs from this album belong on a "It's Wet Outside" play list.

Same Old Panic, Pretty Odd Disco.

Panic at the Disco’s new album Pretty. Odd. has caused quite a stir in the music world. Fan reviews are less than complimentary. Critic reviews range from harsh to fair. There is no question that the musicality and tone has shifted from eccentric, provocative, and upbeat to a slower and more relaxed sound. However, as the band promises in there introduction track, “ We’re So Staving,” they are the same old Panic. (without the exclamation point) The sound may have changed, but the lyrics remain dark, intricate, and as satirical as in the previous album A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out.

The main complaint from fans is: “Panic has lost its sound.” I completely disagree. I have no objection to artists growing and evolving their art. Just because their new sound isn’t their old sound, doesn’t mean they have lost their talent. Please don’t take my word, or the word of other critics. Give Pretty. Odd. a shot without comparing it to prior works. You might find something you don’t expect: you like it, a lot.

Live Blog: Karaoke Chapter

11:00 p.m.
As the KJ packs his gear, I will end my live blog. This has been a quite eventful event. There are those who are brave enough to take the stage, and there are also people like me. I am brave enough to sarcastically mock song choices and performances, however, I am not brave enough to publically humiliate myself the way they do. I hope we have learned something tonight: do not karaoke if you can’t sing, please be aware of those around you, and do not touch yourself on stage. Good Night…It’s “Closing Time.”

10:58 p.m.

Correction!

Surprisingly Brittney was trumped by Tonya’s* version of “I Touch Myself,” originally sung by The Divinyls. One, Tonya should never touch herself in public. This is karaoke. Just because the song is about touching oneself, it doesn’t permit you to touch yourself. Tonya makes me want to touch myself…in the head…with a gun.

10:52 p.m.
1. Oops I Did it Again by Brittney Spears

Britney should not have done it the first time. Neither should anyone else.

10:50 p.m.
My clairvoyance has been affirmed. “Friends Low Places” is sung at every karaoke event. I predicted this from the beginning. I have kept a small tally of buckets ordered by the men to our left. I believe it to be four now, that’s 20 beers. Plus, the two shots of Jack Meghan bought them. I feel bad for them.

10:35 p.m.

4. Play That Funky Music White Boy by Casey and the Sunshine Band

Personally I think this was a bad choice because our KJ (karaoke jockey) is defiantly Mexican.

3. Picture by Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock

This song is depressing. When couples perform this song it’s like Daddy just slapped Mommy at the dinner table, and we are all still trying to eat. –as Dane Cook would put it. Not only is it awkward, it causes people to build a mental background story for the couple. I imagine them as rouge bikers.

2. Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-a-lot

Not only the sexual references slightly disturbing I’m unclear how a butt can “go like a turbo jet” Where is it going? However, even white boys get to shout. In fact, I think that is the reason this song is so high on my list. White boys are the only people who sing this song. Hmmm…

10:34 p.m.

Kathy* is not “Killing Me Softly” the way Lauren Hill did. She is driving a stake through my heart via vocals.

10:23 p.m.
Many songs have been sung and I just got my Nachos. Meghan has had 5 Coronas. Jake* is singing. He has slightly increased his popularity with AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long.” There is something about Jake’s performances that makes me want to dance to the point where my hips no longer lie. He has the ability to capture an audience with his alluring dance moves and confident finger points. I hope he sings something by ABBA. Who am I kidding? I just hope he sings again.

Three songs have been added to the Top 10 Worst Karaoke Song List

7. Bitch by Meredith Brooks

The first step is admitting you have a problem. However a Karaoke Bar may not be the best place to seek help. Plus, there is something about screaming profanity that does not sit well with people. Maybe it stems from our wholesome American values. It may be okay to where profanities on a t-shirt, even cute to some people, but not to scream them at the top of your lungs to a guitar riff.

6. One Week by The Bare Naked Ladies ( who are not naked or ladies)

Unless you were previously employed as an auctioneer, One Week is not the song for you. Everybody mumbles when they get to the fastest parts.
Instead of this:
Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits
You try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through
Gonna make a break and take a fake
I'd like a stinkin achin shake
I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours

It sounds more like this:
Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits,
You try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through
dad a da a la mmm da
Da la mmm la, it's the finest of the flavours

The song is great, but people seem to loose Karaoke credibility when they attempt this portion. My advice is to perform the song with a friend. When you reach this part of the song, hand over the microphone, you will look like the one that knows what your doing.

5. Summer Nights from the Grease Soundtrack

Simple explanation…

This is a musical:




This is a poor attempt at recreating a musical:




All i'm saying is think twice.

9: 34 p.m.

Bridesmaids take the stage. I assume they are the bridesmaids because of the large print on the front of their shirts. It reads: “Bride’s Bitches” in bright pink letters. They have selected “Love is a Battlefield” by Pat Benatar. I’m confused. Wouldn’t a love song be a better choice? Well I guess the lyric “ I’m trapped by your love” references love… I can’t imagine the rest of the song which highlights “No promises, No demands” is very encouraging either. May I suggest to those of you who choose Karaoke as a pre-wedding party event, choose a wedding party that agrees with your marriage. Perhaps Celine Dion’s “ Because of You” or Shania Twain’s “From this Moment” would have been better choices. I think I will send the “blushing” bride another Jose Cuervo. But I will not send any to her bitches. At least now we understand the shirts. Where the H are my Nachos?

9:03 p.m.

I’m not sure if the songs people choose to sing are reflective of their current feelings or personality. I do know I did not expect the “five Buds for five bucks” boys to sing.
The shorter of the two walked to the stage and held his mike with a quivering hand. He seemed nervous, but not scared. The music started and “The Long December” by the Counting Crows began to play in the background. He was hesitant at first, but now he seems completely overtaken by the music. His performance is mesmerizing. Mesmerizing, in that I want to give him a hug (and a non-alcoholic drink) sort of way. Karaoke should be fun, not sad. Who likes sad? Well, Bartenders like sad, and Kate Winslet likes sad, but Karaoke audiences do not like sad. I think I should order some Nachos.

8:39 p.m.
Over the last nineteen minutes I have (with help of those around me) composed a list of the top ten worst Karaoke songs. I will post them in sets of three until one of the performers reveals number one.

10. Y.M.C.A. by the Village People.

Anything that involves group participation and hand movements is a BIG no-no. Drinks will be spilled, pants may be ruined, and ears may bleed. Y.M.C.A. should be played at football games or at Bar mitzvahs; not sung at a bar. It may also be played at youth events as a shameless plug, but again not at a bar.

9. I Will Always Love You by Whitney Huston

I love Whitney Huston as much as the next person. And, in her pre Bobby Brown days, she produced beautiful music. However, one must take in to account that Whitney Huston had a rare talent: She could actually sing! Trying to imitate her is almost as disgraceful as Jessica Simpson’s cover of “Take my Breath Away.”

8. Redneck Woman by Gretchen Wilson

This song evokes my inner most desire to move to New Hampshire. Something about the idea of keeping Christmas lights on the porch all year makes me want to pack a U-Haull and drive far, far, away. I wonder if the women who perform this song know that there are people watching them. Or the stereotype they are solidifying is a bad one.


8:20 p.m.
When I heard that Kathy* was planning to sing “Unfaithful” by Rhianna I thought It might be fun if we sang along…





I only hope that Kathy’s boyfriend did not follow her to the bar tonight. That could be messy. Wait…I hope Kathy’s boyfriend followed her to the bar tonight.

8:07 p.m.
A slender tall man takes the stage. Bless his brave soul for volunteering to sing before he has had a chance to feel out the competition. Will he excite us, baffle us, or sadden us? He looks as if entertainment will soon seep through his quiet exterior and Cher will emerge. Wrong, he chose “Welcome to the Jungle.” As I sit listening to his wicked version of this classic, I am awed. I’m not sure if it was the best song choice, however, I would like to see what else he offers throughout the night. Therefore I will call him Jake*. He doesn’t really look like a Jake, which will further protect his identity.

7:52 p.m.
Here we are…ground zero. I say “we” meaning you my audience, and my friend Meghan, who I bribed with the promise of free Coronas if she would accompany me to the bar tonight. We have situated ourselves stage left to ensure the best viewing experience. To our right is a bachelorette party, whom I hope will provide plenty of fodder. No, I know they will. In fact, I think I will order them a round of Jose just to be sure. Maybe they share some of the same qualities as Shelly West.

To our left, three young men who recently ordered a “five Buds for five bucks” bucket.

The karaoke binders have been distributed, and frankly, I’m excited! I am also ready to be entertained. So, sit back, grab a cool refreshing beverage, and prepare or maybe brace yourself for an…experience. The fun begins at 8:00 pm!

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Entertainment Opportunity

Tonight I will live blog from Karaoke Night at The Tavern! The Tavern is a local restaurant and bar that offers people the opportunity to highlight their talent or publically humiliate themselves. All in all it should be an interesting night. The event lasts from 8:00pm to 11:00pm. If you cannot attend the event, don’t worry, I’ll be there to say all the things you would probably be thinking…

By the way, Karaoke means tone-deaf in Japanese.

The Joke is on Me?

Slow Motion by Third Eye Blind Discussion.

Slow Motion was written as a parody to the Gangster Rap genre. The song is the definition of irony. The title of a work is usually the best place to look for meaning. If one were to slow down and really examine the lyrics to the catchy beats of Gangster Rap he might not find the meaning behind most of the songs very enticing. The score’s tempo is a largo ballad because it is alluring. The music draws you in so the lyrics have time to personify into images. Contrastly, Rap music is quick and catchy; the lyrics sometimes are lost in the beat.

The line “ what a beautiful thing” follows many of the grotesque scenes described in the song. This line is ironic because bleeding noses, exploding flesh, and a man beating his wife are not beautiful things. They are the ugliest parts of society that are glorified in the Gangster Rap genre. The nonchalant mention of killing his English Teacher’s son “because he owed me money” is a good example of how passively most Americans listen to music. The four scenes depicted in the song are generally what is embodied in a Rap Song. Drugs, money, murder, family issues, meaningless intercourse, and domestic violence are all problems in society that are glorified rather than shunned.

The last stanza solidifys the irony with:

“ Hollywood glamourized my wrath
Im the young urban psyco path
I encite murder for your entertainment
Cause I needed the money
Whats your excuse?
The jokes on you

The joke is on us because we listen to the “music.” This argument can be paired with the growing discust for the Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton movement. They are only in the news because America desided that the social injustices that surround their lives are entertaining. The question posed in this musical masterpeice is: Why? Why is it entertaining? I can’t answer this question for you, however, I will pose my own answer. When I go to a movie and no one dies, I am upset. I guess the joke will remain on me.

Sheet Worth Hearing

Slow Motion by Third Eye Blind was never released as a radio single. However, it has become one of the most popular songs released by the band. It was written shorty after Columbine as a parody to gangster rap. I encourage you to read the lyrics first in order to appreciate the performance. This is one of the greatest songs ever written for our generation.

What is it about music that makes you want to do things? Abercrombie and Fitch, for example, plays the most annoying music for shopping. It is loud, somewhat abnoxious, and repetative. But, it works. What about Franz Ferdinand makes me want to spend 85 dollars on a headband? They are attractive, but not highly fasionable.


The better question is: Who decides what songs to play? Who knows what songs make people want to shop? I sometimes wonder about music majors, and what type of careers they can actually persue that does not include perofrming at a local bar twice a week. Music majors, heads up; Music person for A&F.


I'm sure there is a more elequent term coupled with an elegant pay for this type of postion. I'm not sure if you can work your way up from fitting room attendent to sales associate to music manager, but if possible, you can find it on carrer-builder.com

How to: Become a Musical Genius

When you hear a blue grass song do you automatically picture the less than perfect dental higene and lack of current fashion of the bango players in Deliverence? It's ok, you can admit it. Movies as well as the images associated with genres of music can sometimes strike fear or disinterest into the hearts of the unexposed. However, legends behind certian genres can enhance interest in the music and the story that is told by the song writer. Just as the biography of novelists can make thier writing more intersting. Robert Johnson was an aspiring blues artist until he sold his soul to the devil, then he become a musical icon. The idea of surrendering ones soul in exchange for musical geneous is a deep rooted legend in the south.

So who wants to become a musical genius? There are only a few steps to follow and a small price of eternal damnation. I can help you on your journey to Hotel California.

Some commonly asked questions:

Where do I go?

Find a Crossroads in the South. The Crossroads must be below the Mason-Dixson line in order to be a popular hangout for the Devil. (there are no legends of this type in the north, so he must not like people in the north.)

What do I bring?

Take a guitar or fiddle (violin) with you. If you play the piano, I'm sorry, you can not sell your soul to the devil.

What time does it start?

The Devil will always arrive at midnight. Midnight seperates two days as well as morning and night. The devil loves times, places, and people that aren't quite one thing or another, but somewhere in between. (i.e. the crossroads) Plus, everyone knows that the oppertune time to gather souls is at midnight.

What will happen while I'm there?

The devil will take your soul and leave you with the ability to sound like The Charlie Daniels Band! The Devil will walk up behind you and take your instrament, he will play a little ditty, hand it back and disappear! No contract, No blood, just a mutual understanding that if you are playing the guitar in the middle of the road, at midnight, and allowed him to take it, you must be there for him. Bless anyone whose car breaks down and plays the fiddle to pass time.

Sheet Worth Hearing

Be My Escape by Relient K, is catagorized in the contemporary Christian genre. It is an interesting composition that can be interpreted as both secular and religious. Enjoy!

Build God and Then We'll Discuss

“Build God and Then We’ll Talk” is loaded with ambiguity. Ideas and notions are scattered and reconnected much like those of a T.S. Eliot poem. While many view points can be taken, a central theme is evident: High class people can also be immoral and elevating one’s status can be difficult. The title, often the best incite to the meaning of a work, is a quote from Choke by Chuck Palahniuk. The chorus line, “ Raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses (are) sleeping with roaches,” is a line from Fight Club, by the same author. Both Novels examine the moral values of the upper class and levels in which different classes merge. Choke especially targets sex. These two lines are statically placed to add depth without increasing lyrics.

This song is an example of storytelling at it’s best. The band tells the outline of a story and allows the listener to draw individual inferences. To me, the girl begins a virgin but to another, the word “tonight” may indicate prostitution is her “moonlighting” occupation. The word purse can be interpreted as drugs or as a payment for services from the police officer. The crash can be interpreted as a car crash or as a prostitution bust. Whether interpreted as a loss of innocence to gain status, or as a sad example of the character of society, the song has the same impact. I hope you enjoyed it.

Sheet Worth Hearing

Build God, and Then We'll Talk is one of the most intricately woven songs by Panic! at the Disco. It brings to light a darker meaning of the word advancement. Have a listen and let me know what you think.

Boredom?

NKOTB is back on the block. No, this is not a joke.

If the acronym isn't instantly recognizable, let me refresh your memory. Joey, Jordan, Donnie, Jonathan, and Danny. These five men were once young attractive members of the hottest band in America. The "music" they regergitated from british rock had absolutly no lyrical value, but wasn't too painful to watch them lip -sync. Thier debut stage performance has yet to be announced, but i'm betting there will be more middle-aged women at the ticket window than sixteen year-old girls at a Hannah Montana concert.

The fan base is there. The band has rejoined. Jonathan is forty. Why come back after twenty years? How attractive can a forty year-old man singing "I'll be loving you" really be? Not to mention, New Kids on the Block is directly responsible for musical abominations such as *NSYNC and The Backstreet Boys. Who knows what mess could spring from this comeback? Would NKOTB really want to be accountable for another generation of teen girls that cause people to hate the radio?



We shall see...

Listen to Me Write!

Storytelling has been embedded in music since the begining of, well, storytelling. If one were to read Chaucer scilently, he may have a hard time reading fluently. However, if read aloud to a beat Chaucer's poems seem as elementary as a Nicholas Spark's novel. Ancient literature appears lost in translation because the stories were once oral tales delivered with a musical accompaniment. It is easier to remember a story with a rhymes and beats than to memorize a Melville quote. Perhaps this is why we can remember the lyrics to "Oops I did it agian," but not acurately descirbe one topic discussed in The State of the Union Address.

Contemporary song writing is very similar to the oral storytelling of the ancient times. People offer advice, reveal truths, fight political injustices and teach through the art of lyrical music.

In this web log I intend to open the eyes of pop culture nay-sayers, ( those who believe there was not a decent song written after 1950) while we explore the poetic value of contemporary music. Each Friday I will post a link, along with a mini-analysis, to a song worthy of your ears. This blog is not strictly a place to analize lyrics. It will also explore the culture surronding contemporary music and the music audience.

Semantics say it differently

here